By Grace Matthews, Associate
“The best security blanket a child can have is parents who respect each other.” Dr Jane Blaustone.
Co-parenting after separation can be difficult, however a healthy co-parenting relationship is crucial for the wellbeing and stability of all children. Family lawyers often observe how poor communication can derail parenting arrangements.
In this article, we will explore why communication between parents is crucial, and practical tips to help reduce conflict and achieve better outcomes for children.
Research shows that conflict between parents is linked to a variety of negative outcomes for both children and parents, including social and emotional wellbeing and parenting capacity.
Children who are exposed to parental conflict are more likely to experience poor physical health, difficulties with emotional and social adjustment, and lower academic performance.
Here are some of our tips for communicating with your co-parent:
- Keep it respectful, concise and clear:
- Ask yourself, would I be comfortable having this message read out in Court?
- If possible, consider leaving your messages in draft form overnight and come back to them with a clearer mind.
- Consider whether certain messages, if they are clearly inflammatory or derogatory, require any response at all.
- Have someone who you trust to tone check your message – but make sure this person does not add to the conflict!
- Keep it child focused:
- Ask yourself, is this message about the children or am I bringing other topics and subject matter into it?
- Consider whether the message is necessary to assist with the care of the children or if you are sending it out of anger/upset.
- Avoid discussing issues that are not related to the children, including re-hashing things about the relationship/separation or bringing up new partners and their opinions.
- Keep your own separate records:
- Ask yourself, am I sending this message just to create a ‘record’ about what happened or to ‘prove my version of events’?
- Just because someone writes something in a message – it does not make it true! If you are concerned that someone is attempting to build a narrative about what happened through messages, you should take your own separate contemporaneous notes that you can rely on in the future.
- Be reassured that you do not need to engage in the back and forth of messages to prove your case!
- Keep it all in one place:
- Use written communication, instead of phone calls, if you are having difficulty communicating with your co-parent.
- Use parenting applications to communicate with each other. You can use this as a tool to reduce anxiety, where you can plan for a time in your day to open the parenting app and provide your response. These apps can also help with keeping a record of your conversations all in one place.
Know When to Get Legal Help
There are certain situations where communicating with the other parent may not be appropriate or safe, including:
- If there are safety concerns for the child or you;
- If communication becomes abusive;
- If there is a history of family violence; or
- If the act of communicating with a co-parent starts to negatively impact your mental health.
If you find yourself in any of the above situations, you may need a family lawyer to assist you, whether that is through legal advice, assistance at a mediation or representation at Court.
If you are struggling to manage co-parenting communication, our experienced family law team can help you create practical and reasonable solutions that prioritise the well-being of you and your children. We are here to support you, whether you are just separating or need help enforcing existing Orders.
Useful Case Law
Mahoney & Dieter (No 4) [2024] FedCFamC1F 813 (28 November 2024)
